Porto and Moscow and Hamburg, oh my

So it's Porto, CSKA Moscow and Hamburg for Arsenal in the first round proper of this year's Champions League. Mad Jens is rather chuffed at being able to take on a team from Germania, whilst Arsene expects the group to be a tough test for us. To be honest I don't think any of the groups are particularly easy this year. When you get teams like Hamburg and Galatasary in the fourth pot you know that it's a strong year. The full group listing can be found here.

Chelski getting Barcelona again brought a wry smile from football fans everywhere, although I would have preferred they met them in the first knock out stage and sent the sorry bastards back to the Kings Road with their tails between their legs. Again.

Peter "bald-headed fuckwit" Kenyon says he's still hopeful of a deal going through for Ashley Cole to move to his spiritual home of Cuntford Bridge. Me too you slapheaded twat. I think my prophecy of Chelski arsing around until the last minute to stop Arsene spending the loot from the transfer will come to pass. To be fair I'd do exactly the same thing, but it's a dangerous game of brinkmanship and I don't want Arsenal to be stuck with the bastard all season. Rumours still abound that the cheeky fuckwit is holding out for a loyalty bonus. It beggars belief.

Double D confirmed that we have turned down an offer for Jose Antonio from Atletico Madrid, and seems to think the Spaniard will be staying. He certainly will if no-one offers a decent price for him.

Thierry says he won't be back to his best until October. That's a mighty long time to rely on Adebayor.

In other football news, I've seen the Ben Thatcher / Pedro Mendes a couple of times now and it truly is horrific. All this bollocks about him already having got a yellow card for it so nothing else can be done is exactly that: absolute bollocks. The FA need to get off their collective arses and ban this thug for at least eight games, maybe more. When you think that Rooney's missing three games for so much less it's ridiculous. This Andy Todd school of defending needs to get cleared out of the game, and quickly.

In ex-Arsenal news Nicolas "le sulk incredible" Anelka has joined Bolton for £8m. I'd love to know the combined value of his transfers. He's going to absolutely hate playing for Bolton / living in Bolton / looking at walrus face. Shouldn't be too long before he throws his toys out of the pram and walks out on them. It'll be fun.