Ashley who?

I've decided that, as Mr Tweedy's new pack of lies (read "autobiography") is being serialised in the press, and that there will be a new installment each and every day this week, that unless something extraordinary comes out, I will give it the attention it deserves, ie none. I will be ignoring all "revelations", all "shock truths", all "completely fabricated bollocks" that emanate from that dullard's PR department. Shame on The Times for serialising it, as it's generally the only newspaper I can take seriously.

In more interesting, "actually happened" news, the Arsenal reserves came from 2-0 down to snatch a 2-2 draw against the Spuds last night. Particularly impressive seeing as the team we put out was such a young one. Francisco Merida Perez, our latest Catalan beast, was man of the match, setting up one goal and scoring the other with a smashing 30 yard free kick. Good job young Gooners.

Carlos Vela, our young Mexicano beast, also scored the other day for loan club Salamanca. He's 18 next year so we could well be seeing him arrive in the summer. That said he might spend another year out there, who knows. We seem to be overun with talented young strikers at the moment. Lots of Gooners are excited about this kid, with a couple of rumours circulating the internet that he appeared in one of the publicity shots for the new home kit (he didn't) leading people to believe that we'd be seeing him in Arsenal colours this season. He certainly set the U-17 World Cup alight, leading Mexico to the title and beating Brazil 3-0 in the final, finishing the tournament with the Golden Boot as top scorer.

Swiss boss Kobi Kuhn quite likes Phillipe Senderos. But not in a sexy way. I'm looking forward to having Phil back to give a us a more bruisingly physical option at the back, hopefully some time in early October.

Apparently Julio Baptista and Gilbert O'Silva are quite the Brazillian/Irish jiggers, with the Beast a dab hand on the ukelele, whilst Gilberto plies his musical trade on the mandolin. Looks like a folk jamming session could be on the cards.

Arsene's apparently a bit miffed about our start to the season, saying that we're making it hard for ourselves. I think that's a bit disrespectful to the teams we've played so far, who have been undeniably outclassed but still set out with a game plan, stuck to it and taken points off us. You know what he means though.

Champions League proper kicks off tonight, with Liverpool taking on Ronald Koeman's PSV Eindhoven, and following the bindippers' defeat to Ronald Koeman's Benfica last season Mr Ronald Koeman is quite optimistic that Ronald Koeman and Ronald Koeman's PSV can beat Liverpool. Ronald Koeman.

If you didn't realise, with all the Ronald Koeman references, Ronald Koeman fancies himself a bit.

Chavski kick off their campaign against Werder Bremen. I hope they get stuffed and Cashley gets his legs broke. Oops, I'm not supposed to mention him...